Mindfulness is everywhere these days. It is marketed like soda, like underpants, like beauty products.

It has been linked in many people’s minds with morality, with being healthy and a “good” person. To be mindful is, in some funny way, to be successful. And since success is often elusive to people with depression, anxiety or ADHD, it is not surprising that you may feel mindfulness, too, is out of reach. 

Something for other people.

People with executive functioing disorders or depression often resist mindfulness. Even for people who are more neurotypical, mindfulness has moments of being excruciating. Here's what many people have said to me over the years: "You mean you want me to slow down, remove myself from a device or from other stimuli, be silent, and just notice myself as I am? But I hate myself as I am! It is awful and unpleasant. Why, oh why would I do this?"

Before we get into why, let's try to define mindfulness. 

Mindfulness is a term that is used to describe awareness. Awareness is the state of being that emerges when one has learned how to meditate, to pay attention to the little moment. There are many paths toward this state. Many of us have been taught to notice one's breath. (Sadly, I now have clients who were taught "mindfulness" in school and so have learned to despise it.) The practice, as it is sometimes called, gently builds a relaxed, light connection with things as they actually are. With a quiet, non judgemental awareness of you can then cultivate wisdom toward yourself, your body, and others. This can lead to greater peace, which can help further increased mindfulness.

With increased mindfulness, you increase all the other skills you are longing for.

You get better at handling your emotions. You get better at being kind to yourself. You get better at getting along with other people. You even might get better physically. You may even find you get better at keeping or being able to do your job.

What do I mean by "better?' I mean that there is greater ease. The habits you need to build to be a healthier person are easier to cultivate with mindfulness. 

Why? Especially because the goal of mindfulness is to let go of goals? I can give you a long discussion of the neurological “point” of mindfulness and why scientists believe it is effective. But what would be even better is if you try it yourself and see. The

problem is for you to try you really have to sit with all of the suffering that makes people dislike stillness. You have to deal with your lack of

wanting to sit still. You have to see and notice all your judgmental and negative thoughts. 

There’s good news though. Mindfulness meditation can take many different forms. Breath meditation, the traditional meditation practice I just described--is a pretty effective way of cultivating awareness for many people. But, it is OK for you to do mindfulness in a way that works for you. 

For example, mindfulness meditation can be “metta” which I teach to many clients. You can cultivate mindfulness through walking, listening, getting chores done, and even eating. Yoga is also a form of mindful movement. There are many others. Once you have established a calm, quiet mindfulness practice, it becomes easier and easier to start integrating mindfulness into your daily life. As with everything, it is important to understand there is not an "on" or "off" or "right" or "wrong" way to cultivate awareness in your life. Your journey is about you because you deserve compassion and care. Mindfulness is a wonderful place to start. 

You can do this! I can help.